Surprise Surprise… January 21, 2010

So, the last time we spoke, I was all hot about the baby daddy’s mental state.  Without totally boring you, I will BRIEFLY update you on what’s been going on.  So, since that time, many Dos XX’s and beef stew mixed with episodes of Criminal Minds and Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls, (Which by the way, he can tame my wild side any day…and his British Accent makes me forget about bad teeth and stinky arm pits) we have exchanged  many, many, many words (and dirty looks), but have come to an agreement.  One I’m happy and content with and one that he’s going to have to live with.  At first I felt bad, but he just cannot sleep on my sofa.  Seriously. Anyway- he is FINALLY employed and has been working on his feelings of desperation-daily.  I’m glad-I mean, it’s so exhausting for me to be the “rock” he needs.  I just want to be his friend.  I can’t be his rock, and my daughter’s rock, and the mom and woman I’m meant to be.  I’m suffocating here!  I mean-we aren’t even married.  Wait, back that up-we aren’t even dating, a couple, roommates, whatever you want to call it.  Nothing.  Just friends-who live in separate homes, and have separate lives-except when it comes to our child.  So what type of committment do I really have to have for him afterall?  You know?  What do you think?  That will forever be the question in everyone’s mind…and They ALL have different answers. 

Believe me, I’ve heard them all.

Anyway-I just have to post this so if you don’t love them too-screw you: 

My alma-mater.  My beloved Longhorns.  My heart hurts for them and the burnt orange nation.  My heart hurts for Colt McCoy.  My brother (who also hurt me my attending a university outside of the 40 acres), couldn’t have said it better-except I don’t have a penis:

“Seeing people wearing UT gear makes me giddy on the inside.  Then I think about Colt McCoy…tight pants.”   

And here is a letter that Colt wrote to UT fans and Fellow Longhorns in the Daily Texan:

To the City of Austin and Longhorn fans everywhere:

My time at the University of Texas has been filled with countless memorable experiences, from the 45 wins I was fortunate enough to be a part of to the Big 12 Championship this past season. You have been there for me through everything and have shown your unwavering support. You have always believed in me, and for that I will be forever grateful.

As much as I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life, I am also saddened at the thought of leaving. I have loved being a student and an athlete at the University of Texas, and every second I wore the Longhorn uniform was special to me. This school and this city hold a special place in my heart that words can’t describe, and I intend to remain an active part of this community that has given me so much.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will carry your cheers and support with me always. Regardless of where my next stop may be, I will forever be a Texas Longhorn.

Hook ’em!
Colt McCoy

Amen. 

And to all of you that read and have been asking me when I will post another blog, I’ve missed you-more to come soon.  Thanks for sticking around.  xoxo

J 🙂

Karmas a comin’…cover your arse. September 29, 2009

I’ve been told many times that I need to learn to be a little more understanding.  A little more sympathetic.  More accepting. 

So, when the baby daddy, (we’ll call him “R”),  shows up on my door step asking if he could come and spend some time with our sick kid, I agreed.  I couldn’t deny him seeing her, and since she was basically quarantined in the house for 5 days due to the flu, I allowed it.  Besides, I’d rather give him the flu than my mom. 

Anyway, as “R” sat, I cooked breakfast…then lunch.  And as he watched Bill Dance Outdoors and Fishing, I washed clothes and aired out the house.  As he watched Rocky 1,2,3, and 4, I cleaned.  I noticed he was especially quiet-but I didn’t want to ask, because honestly,  I didn’t want to know.   His being here made my baby happy-even though she was sick-so I didn’t say anything. 

Then he opened his mouth and what came out shocked the hell out of me.  “How do you do it, Jeanette?” he asked.  Thinking he was talking about living on my own and struggling financially, I replied, “I just take it one day at a time.  And if I can’t do something, I don’t do it.  It’s simple.  It’s hard, and it sucks, but it’s simple.”  He said, “I have been doing that and it’s not any easier.”  Still thinking he was talking about money, I said, “But you got your boat…and that should make you happy, right?”   Then he said, “It’s almost been a year, you know?”  “A year of what?” I asked.  “My divorce.”

I stared at him for what seemed like the longest, most awkward moments. 

Could he really be upset that he’s been divorced for a year?  SERIOUSLY?!?!

A little background:  After 10 exhausting, frustrating, and miserable years, “R” and his ex-girl, we’ll call her “B”,  finally made it official and got the divorce finalized.   Anyone that knew them thought it needed to happen sooner (actually everyone agreed that the marriage should have never happened in the first place because of their turbulent relationship.  We all knew that she was not marring him for the same reason he was marring her-if you get what I mean), and everyone thought it would never happen because he was too lazy to take care of business, and when things got hard he quit, and because she is a selfish bitch.  There is no other explanation for her.  Just trust me. 

So when he seemed utterly upset that in the span of the next 20 or so days would mark the 1 year anniversary of what should be the happiest day of his life after the birth of his kids, it shocked me.  He was actually sulking.  Sad.  And it disgusted me. 

I responded to his comment about it being almost a year to his divorce with, “Whoo Hoo!  Congrats-you should be celebrating!  Isn’t this what you wanted?”  Apparently he doesn’t know what he wants.  Or he does, and has just realized that it sucks being the one on the other side of the fence.  See, “B”  has actually found a new poor old sap’s life to ruin, and “R” is actually upset about it.  I wanted to slap the shit out of him right out my front door.

Did he forget all the hell “B” has put him through?  He must have forgotten how she looked when he walked in and saw her passed out next to a guy in underwear that morning?  He must have forgotten all the debts he had to bail her out of?  He must have forgotten how it feels to be called a “no-good, piece of shit dad” every day?  He must have fallen and bumped his head, because surely he would remember their first Christmas as a married couple when she bought my kid 1 gift, and filled the bottom of the tree with other gifts for her girl…and he definitely must have forgotten what it felt like to watch our daughter watch her younger sister (their daughter together) open all the gifts Santa had left her younger sister-while clutching the one doll that Santa left for her?

He MUST have forgotten that he made that bed.  That he jumped the fence a long time ago to mow the yard of what he thought was greener grass.  He MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN that when you start a relationship with deceit and lies, nothing good comes from it. 

Needless to say, this day is not my day to be more understanding.  Not my turn to be more sympathetic.  I’ll skip being more accepting.  Not this time. 

Hey, baby daddy-Cover your arse…Karma’s a bitch.

Baby Daddy Drama and gray hair August 19, 2009

I’m going to be brief: because I don’t want this light-hearted blog to turn into a page out of Debbie Downer’s Diary.  BUT-I’m having serious Baby Daddy Drama and feel the need to write about it. So, here goes:

  A year ago, I moved back after being away for almost 5 years.  Although it was hard because I was so far away from family, it was easier being a mom.  Let me elaborate a bit on that. 

There was no negotiation, conference, or family meetings.  What I said was the law.  And I liked it that way.  Being alone made me a grown-up.  I was finally independent.  I didn’t need anyone to do it for me-I did it myself!  We wanted to go on a  road trip-we packed up and went.  No need to wait for anyone else.  During the summer, and on the weekends, we were like Thelma and Louise (without the law-breakin’) on the roads of Texas.  We made a great team.  It was wonderful.  But,ultimately, my girl was unhappy. 

She missed her daddy very much-not to mention family and friends that were not around.  She got to see him as much as possible.  I either drove  to meet him half way, or delivered her to him every other weekend.  No matter how many activities, friends, or fun times she was involved in, nothing took the place of him being there everyday.  Naturally.  So, we came back.

Hooray!  Everyone is happy, right? 

Not so fast…I’m not.  Don’t’ misunderstand me-I love being able to go out to dinner with friends on a week night, go to an Astros game whenever I want, or to a last minute outing with friends or family.   I also love that the Baby Daddy can see our girl at a school play or program, go to a teacher conference, or take her with him to family events.  BUT, after doing it all myself her entire life (seriously-a whole other blog) it’s hard to share the responsibility with someone that  has never been involved at that capacity. 

So, my job.  I love it.  It’s challenging, exciting, and I feel like a real professional.  Let me explain why that is important to me.  I have finally found something that I want to do for the rest of my life.  Not just something that pays the bills.  A real job-that I like, HELLO!   And it makes me feel important-in a world that puts so much emphasis on how you look and who you are married to, or dating.  And-I’m good at it!  As a single mom, I struggle every day to fit into an affluent community that considers “Leave It To Beaver”, the ideal family.  I disagree completely.  I want to be successful.  I want to have my own thoughts.  I want to make my own money.   I’m not against marriage-at all.  But, I don’t’ think that just because I’m a single mom,  I should only work at a job that has the same schedule as my daughter’s school.  Why is that I should only work in a profession that is limited to a school teacher, day care worker, or part time cashier?

Why can’t the father help out a little bit?  Is it too much to ask for him to abstain from one of many midnight fishing trips with his buddies to watch his own daughter once in a while, no questions asked?  Why is that out of his job description?  And why should my job choice be questioned or considered selfish?  His job-that keeps him away from his kids while he’s on call every other week does the same.  How is that any different?  Oh, I know-because he has a penis.

Besides, if it wasn’t for that penis, I wouldn’t be a single mom.

And-after all this, my girl looks up at me this morning, and tells me, “Wow, mom, you have a lot of gray hair right there, time to get to the salon”.