Karmas a comin’…cover your arse. September 29, 2009

I’ve been told many times that I need to learn to be a little more understanding.  A little more sympathetic.  More accepting. 

So, when the baby daddy, (we’ll call him “R”),  shows up on my door step asking if he could come and spend some time with our sick kid, I agreed.  I couldn’t deny him seeing her, and since she was basically quarantined in the house for 5 days due to the flu, I allowed it.  Besides, I’d rather give him the flu than my mom. 

Anyway, as “R” sat, I cooked breakfast…then lunch.  And as he watched Bill Dance Outdoors and Fishing, I washed clothes and aired out the house.  As he watched Rocky 1,2,3, and 4, I cleaned.  I noticed he was especially quiet-but I didn’t want to ask, because honestly,  I didn’t want to know.   His being here made my baby happy-even though she was sick-so I didn’t say anything. 

Then he opened his mouth and what came out shocked the hell out of me.  “How do you do it, Jeanette?” he asked.  Thinking he was talking about living on my own and struggling financially, I replied, “I just take it one day at a time.  And if I can’t do something, I don’t do it.  It’s simple.  It’s hard, and it sucks, but it’s simple.”  He said, “I have been doing that and it’s not any easier.”  Still thinking he was talking about money, I said, “But you got your boat…and that should make you happy, right?”   Then he said, “It’s almost been a year, you know?”  “A year of what?” I asked.  “My divorce.”

I stared at him for what seemed like the longest, most awkward moments. 

Could he really be upset that he’s been divorced for a year?  SERIOUSLY?!?!

A little background:  After 10 exhausting, frustrating, and miserable years, “R” and his ex-girl, we’ll call her “B”,  finally made it official and got the divorce finalized.   Anyone that knew them thought it needed to happen sooner (actually everyone agreed that the marriage should have never happened in the first place because of their turbulent relationship.  We all knew that she was not marring him for the same reason he was marring her-if you get what I mean), and everyone thought it would never happen because he was too lazy to take care of business, and when things got hard he quit, and because she is a selfish bitch.  There is no other explanation for her.  Just trust me. 

So when he seemed utterly upset that in the span of the next 20 or so days would mark the 1 year anniversary of what should be the happiest day of his life after the birth of his kids, it shocked me.  He was actually sulking.  Sad.  And it disgusted me. 

I responded to his comment about it being almost a year to his divorce with, “Whoo Hoo!  Congrats-you should be celebrating!  Isn’t this what you wanted?”  Apparently he doesn’t know what he wants.  Or he does, and has just realized that it sucks being the one on the other side of the fence.  See, “B”  has actually found a new poor old sap’s life to ruin, and “R” is actually upset about it.  I wanted to slap the shit out of him right out my front door.

Did he forget all the hell “B” has put him through?  He must have forgotten how she looked when he walked in and saw her passed out next to a guy in underwear that morning?  He must have forgotten all the debts he had to bail her out of?  He must have forgotten how it feels to be called a “no-good, piece of shit dad” every day?  He must have fallen and bumped his head, because surely he would remember their first Christmas as a married couple when she bought my kid 1 gift, and filled the bottom of the tree with other gifts for her girl…and he definitely must have forgotten what it felt like to watch our daughter watch her younger sister (their daughter together) open all the gifts Santa had left her younger sister-while clutching the one doll that Santa left for her?

He MUST have forgotten that he made that bed.  That he jumped the fence a long time ago to mow the yard of what he thought was greener grass.  He MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN that when you start a relationship with deceit and lies, nothing good comes from it. 

Needless to say, this day is not my day to be more understanding.  Not my turn to be more sympathetic.  I’ll skip being more accepting.  Not this time. 

Hey, baby daddy-Cover your arse…Karma’s a bitch.

I’ll admit it, I’m derainged. September 18, 2009

 

Ok, I said it…I’m sick. Derainged.Glutton for Punishment.  I really am.  Sometimes…no, usually,  I walk all the way down to my car (from the 3rd floor) and realize that I’ve forgotten my keys.  I always forget my phone.  Sometimes I leave my kid places.  But, what I did a month ago doesn’t even compare to the crazy crap I’ve done in my life.  Dumb.

I gave in to my mother. 

For those of you that know me, you know that my mom has been telling me(no asking me, no-really BEGGING me) to sign up 0n eHarmony.  After countless “no, mother!” and “I’m not that desperate.” – I gave in.  She paid for it-so what did I have to lose?  Or so I thought.  That question has been answered over and over in my mind-each time I get an email from my “Perfect Match”.

Whoop-ee.  Can you hear the excitement in my voice? 

At first it was so embarrassing.  I spent 2 almost 2 1/2 hours telling them everything about me.  I’m surprised they didn’t ask if I wore granny panties or a thong.  (eyes rolling)  UGH!  Anyway, I digress….

So, then the waiting begins.  Starting from day 1, I started getting Welcome emails from them.  Then, from The Matches…I mean, getting emails from a dang computer telling me that my perfect match was “Phil, age 43, Lake Charles.”   (I’m rolling my eyes even more now)  

Kill me now, please.  

So, I played along-quietly.  Secretly.  I didn’t even tell my closest friends.  (actually-there are still a handful that don’t even know! and they are going to be pissed…so, “I’m  sorry”  in advance).

 A little background training on how this works.  Emails come flooding in everyday with matches that they have picked for you based on your profile and specifications.  They even send you some that they refer to as a “Flexible Match”,which basically means that they don’t really meet all your requirements, but “we think you might like this person”.   Most of these types of matches were guys that lived out of Texas, sacked groceries, and still lived a home.   (are you beginning to see the humor in this?  Glad to see my life is so darn entertaining).  Needless to say, I didn’t appreciate the “flexible match”. 

So, when my first perfect match turned out to be a , and I quote, “sales associate” who strongly resembled Carrot Top, it was even worse.  Match after match poured in and nothing.  (I seriously am not being picky-I know that’s what you are thinking) 

Then it happened.  I actually received a request for communication (as they call it) …this one from a James in Indiana.  He told me I was his “Perfect Match” and that even though we were far away physically, he hoped I would consider him. James from Indiana was not so bad.  Really.  He was actually pretty darn cute!  And, he contacted me first.  So, what they heck, i thought…”won’t hurt ya” are the words I kept telling myself.  So, I gave him another chance opened the match. That was August something and I still haven’t heard from him.  Seriously?  (eye roll) 

I poured over my pictures once again, wondering how scary I must look to these guys…and actually hoping I would see something that would answer the question as to why I have not heard from ANYONE.  Looking for a booger or something in my nose, or a crossed eye, even a deformity.  Something!   Nothing.  I didn’t have this much trouble getting attention from guys in middle school-when I was flat-chested (you think I am now?) had braces and frizzy hair.   

And to think this service was supposed to make a person feel better about themselves, because people are “pre screened on 29 Dimensions of personality: scientific predictors of long-term relationship success.”  What a load of crap.   I am convinced had I stayed on this service any longer, Darth Vader would be my PERFECT MATCH…with my love of Sci-Fi and all…(yeah right! MAJOR eye roll there).  Anyway, all this humiliating experience did for me was further propel me in to the dating black hole where,  I..I’m, umm,  I feel comfortable.  I like it here. 

Back to the drawing board…

PS:  Here are some of my pictures from the dark side…

my profile picture

And the beat goes on… September 1, 2009

Moving day has come and gone, and I’m feeling accomplished. Packed it up, moved it out (and up!), and have almost unpacked everything. Wow, what a busy couple of weeks.

Life surprises me sometimes. People you think will never let you down often do, and people that you can’t depend on seem to come through when those “depend-ables” can’t.   Weird.   In a world that surprises me everyday, I can say that those that I have chosen to surround myself with everyday-are tremendous. Without them, I would be lost…not to mention pretty darn boring.

I recently took a test. A strengths assessment that outlined the 5 main strengths I possess.   Needless to say, what came out of it was pretty fun.

There were 4 main Strengths Themes out there: Executing, Influencing, Relationship Building, and Strategic Thinking. You might not be too surprised when you hear that my main theme was Influencing.   Crazy huh?   No, seriously…out of 5 possible Influencing qualities, I seem to have 4 of them-Activator, Communication, Competition, and Woo.  Yeah, you heard me, Woo.   More on that later.

So, here’s an outline of each:
Activator: “Driven by your talents, you relieve people of the burden of having to figure out what you think, feel, and need.  How?  You simply tell them. Your plainspoken approach enhances their understanding of you as a person. Your straightforward expression of your needs and desires usually eliminates any confusion.”  Well, well…I would say that’s pretty accurate.  My “take-charge style” is a nice way of calling me a control freak.  I get it…let’s move on to the next, shall we?

Communication: “Instinctively, you may be quite comfortable telling stories or describing your experiences,”  (no? really? this is my sarcastic voice in case you hadn’t picked up on that).  “Your talkative nature compels you to say whatever is on your mind”.    Hummm…this reminds me of a story.    My girl brought home her 1st Thursday folder from school last week.  In this folder is a collection of graded work, take home fliers, announcements from school, and also an assessment from the teacher how she did this week in class-including a conduct grade.  She is a great kid who has always received raving compliments from her teachers.  And even though they consider her a wonderful student, she has NEVER received an “E” in conduct. (stands for excellent) She’s always brought home “S” for satisfactory.  When I asked about it, the teachers would always say that she’s a very social girl, and that it still means she’s a good student.   In other words, she talks to damn much.  Poor thing-obviously she comes by it honestly.  I remember having to sit at the front of the room in Mrs. Tipton’s class because I was “a very social girl”.
Anyway-I digress…back to Communication.

“Seldom you find yourself speechless.  Driven by your talents you are loquacious.”    Um…OK…I guess?   Webster’s defines loquacious as -fond of talking.  Lovely.  Now I’m beginning to think that this Strengths Finder test is insulting me.  Every time it says, “Driven by your talents…”  it gives a back-handed compliment.  Let’s see what else.  ” Chances are good that you may have a knack for talking to people.  Perhaps you encourage others to share their stories.  Your stories can illustrate abstract ideas, theories, or concepts.”  OK..so far so good.  ” They can serve as examples of what to do and what not to do.”  See, there it is again!  Geez-having a computer make fun of you is a new low.  

Competition: “By nature, you are much more intent on winning and being the best…Chances are good that you consistently aim to turn in the prize-winning performance.”  Pretty dead on so far.  “Driven by your talents…”(oh no, here we go again), “…you aim to win when comparisons are made between you and your opponents.”  OK-not so bad, this time.  “Sometimes your rivalries are public.”  HAHAHAH!  Seriously-all my rivalries are public.  Anyway, this one is boring…lets get to the next one.

Woo: “Chances are good that you may be lighthearted and cheerful.  By nature, you sometimes feel an urge to introduce yourself to visitors and start talking with them.  Why?  You welcome the chance to tell one more person what you dream of accomplishing…” OK!  I’m stopping there.  This is getting ugly.  So, I talk about myself-who doesn’t?  Whatever…hate this one!

So, my last and final strength was under the Strategic Thinking theme.  Futuristic: “Chances are you may inspire people with you images of what can be.  Perhaps you are prompted to transform you ideas into things you can touch, taste, see, smell, or hear.  It’s very likely you are innovative, inventive, original, and resourceful.  Driven by your talents, you intentionally take steps to be the mastermind of your own future.  You refuse to leave you destiny to chance, and definitely resist to putting it in someone else’s hands.”  Wow!  I like this one…and I think it sounds just like me. 

So, what have I learned?  I’m an impatient, manipulating, champion of words who has visions of the future that loves to be the ice-breaker in conversations.  Is that a good thing? 

What have I learned?  I’ll never be a quiet and organized analyzer who will tell you what you want to hear in an effort to be “nice”.  Sorry.  (shoulder shrug)  Take me or leave me.