Baby Daddy Drama and gray hair

I’m going to be brief: because I don’t want this light-hearted blog to turn into a page out of Debbie Downer’s Diary.  BUT-I’m having serious Baby Daddy Drama and feel the need to write about it. So, here goes:

  A year ago, I moved back after being away for almost 5 years.  Although it was hard because I was so far away from family, it was easier being a mom.  Let me elaborate a bit on that. 

There was no negotiation, conference, or family meetings.  What I said was the law.  And I liked it that way.  Being alone made me a grown-up.  I was finally independent.  I didn’t need anyone to do it for me-I did it myself!  We wanted to go on a  road trip-we packed up and went.  No need to wait for anyone else.  During the summer, and on the weekends, we were like Thelma and Louise (without the law-breakin’) on the roads of Texas.  We made a great team.  It was wonderful.  But,ultimately, my girl was unhappy. 

She missed her daddy very much-not to mention family and friends that were not around.  She got to see him as much as possible.  I either drove  to meet him half way, or delivered her to him every other weekend.  No matter how many activities, friends, or fun times she was involved in, nothing took the place of him being there everyday.  Naturally.  So, we came back.

Hooray!  Everyone is happy, right? 

Not so fast…I’m not.  Don’t’ misunderstand me-I love being able to go out to dinner with friends on a week night, go to an Astros game whenever I want, or to a last minute outing with friends or family.   I also love that the Baby Daddy can see our girl at a school play or program, go to a teacher conference, or take her with him to family events.  BUT, after doing it all myself her entire life (seriously-a whole other blog) it’s hard to share the responsibility with someone that  has never been involved at that capacity. 

So, my job.  I love it.  It’s challenging, exciting, and I feel like a real professional.  Let me explain why that is important to me.  I have finally found something that I want to do for the rest of my life.  Not just something that pays the bills.  A real job-that I like, HELLO!   And it makes me feel important-in a world that puts so much emphasis on how you look and who you are married to, or dating.  And-I’m good at it!  As a single mom, I struggle every day to fit into an affluent community that considers “Leave It To Beaver”, the ideal family.  I disagree completely.  I want to be successful.  I want to have my own thoughts.  I want to make my own money.   I’m not against marriage-at all.  But, I don’t’ think that just because I’m a single mom,  I should only work at a job that has the same schedule as my daughter’s school.  Why is that I should only work in a profession that is limited to a school teacher, day care worker, or part time cashier?

Why can’t the father help out a little bit?  Is it too much to ask for him to abstain from one of many midnight fishing trips with his buddies to watch his own daughter once in a while, no questions asked?  Why is that out of his job description?  And why should my job choice be questioned or considered selfish?  His job-that keeps him away from his kids while he’s on call every other week does the same.  How is that any different?  Oh, I know-because he has a penis.

Besides, if it wasn’t for that penis, I wouldn’t be a single mom.

And-after all this, my girl looks up at me this morning, and tells me, “Wow, mom, you have a lot of gray hair right there, time to get to the salon”.